


if you can hold on, hold on

by mildlydiscouraging



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Ending, Fix-It, Gay Rights, M/M, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, i think that just about sums it up, the working title of this was "rian johnson atone bitch"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 12:57:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mildlydiscouraging/pseuds/mildlydiscouraging
Summary: The worst part is that he doesn't even have the decency to lose consciousness.





	if you can hold on, hold on

The worst part is that he doesn't even have the decency to lose consciousness. As soon as the other ship rams into him Finn's eyes fly open, and he sees every moment as the blistering orange heat of the impending drill is suddenly thrown back into freezing blue. Metal screams across the flats, throwing up clouds of thick salt dust, and Finn watches the world outside spin and spin with the slow certainty of last moments. Sky and salt, sky and salt, sky and salt. It's almost soothing.

When the world comes to a stop, that calm evaporates. Gone, leaving only the indignant fire of failure. Finn rips off the tattered straps holding him in and goes to kick the shit out of the remnants of the junk ship before he remembers that something intervened to literally throw him off course. A second ship.

There is salt and sand melted beneath him, glassy streaks of red slashed across the pristine landscape, and his borrowed boots can't get a grip before he's on his hands and knees. The ship in front of him is smoldering still and the smell of burning oil like a knifepoint behind his eyes.

The other ship is somehow in even worse condition, nose crushed into the ground and covered in blistering paint. The glass of the windshield is smashed and shards are blowing everywhere in the wind coming off the cannon beam. As Finn starts to rip off the remaining metal he recognizes the pilot and tries to ignore the way his heart sinks.

"Poe!"

It's a scene that should be familiar; Poe, in the wreck of a newly-crashed and commandeered ship, saving Finn's life and left in a bloody heap for his troubles. As Finn's fingers refuse to cooperate on the tight, straining straps, the thick fog of panic in his mind is only interrupted by thoughts of how he should have been there. It's some kind of twisted déjà vu, like he's remembering the actions of a Finn from an alternate dimension where he didn't hit that button and climbed from the wreckage with someone else. Finn wasn't there then, but he is now. He's here.

Free from the harness, Poe slumps forward. Finn doesn't quite catch him so much as just exist between Poe and the ground, but when Poe finally opens his eyes he's looking at Finn like he set the world spinning on its axis.

Finn's still not sure what to make of people seeing him like that but... He doesn't know, maybe he could get used to being a hero if it feels like this.

"Finn..."

"Poe," Finn repeats, more emphatic than urgent, and Poe nods absently, swearing to himself. "Poe, why would you do that? I had them, I was gonna finish the mission."

"I wasn't going to let you."

When Finn breathes in in irritation he feels the thick salt coating the inside of his lungs. "Why not? You would've—"

"It's not always blowing things up," Poe cuts him off. One hand goes to reach for the cut on his temple but stops halfway through the action as Poe flinches and holds his side. Finn kneels there still, hands anxiously flitting here and there looking for some way to help. "I was... I was wrong, it's not just about taking out as many turrets we can or anything, it's about protecting the people we love."

Poe's scraped hand lands on Finn's shoulder and Finn covers it with his own to steady him. Underneath them the ground rumbles, and Finn is simultaneously aware of how _soon_ everything is and completely unwilling to do anything else with the time he has left.

"We can't just fight  _against_ something," Poe continues, keeping his eyes locked on Finn's. "We have to fight  _for_ something, too."

There's something he's saying beyond words. There's some edge to Poe's insisting tone that clues Finn into the fact of some subtext, but he can't tell what.

The last whines of the cannon distracts Finn for the briefest of seconds, but when Poe sways unsteadily his attention returns. The pristine, terrible beauty of the charge is nothing compared to the way the orange light glints off every angle of Poe's face.

"Finn."

Finn nods. The hand on his shoulder tightens, but Finn is in no danger of looking away. He doesn't think he could even if he wanted to, and he really doesn't want to; he feels this kind of anticipation, like looking down a slowly brightening hallway hoping to make out some shape at the end.

"We all have to have something to fight for," Poe explains, "so I can't lose _you_."

And a second later Poe lurches forward and kisses him with intent.

Time slows again. It's less like a sudden vacuum and more than an eclipse. It comes on suddenly but only grows heavier with time, like a slow silence that's full of something, whatever the opposite of feeling outside your body is like. It feels like the swoop of a quickly ducking ship and the cool touch of fingers on windows looking out into empty space and the first steps onto a new world. The blast of heat incongruous with the cold, dry air that reflects off the gate behind them goes unnoticed.

After a second Poe falls back, fading again even as he winces at the twisted seat digging into his back. The groans of twisting metal echo across the empty flats mask the sounds of their breathing, even as Poe's grows more labored with pain.

When Finn is certain that Poe isn't on death's door, he looks up at their surroundings for the first time in a long while. Someone is standing at the base of the doors, a silhouette stark against the the broad strokes of color that make up the landscape. Every ally is so far away. Evil, such as it is, is advancing.

Finn has no idea how they're getting back to the rest of the Resistance. He doesn't even know if there's anyone left to get back to. But Poe's hand is still heavy in the crook of Finn's elbow, and time is passing slowly, and Poe was right. You have to have something to fight for.

**Author's Note:**

> i just got home and am mildly pissed off that 1) everything in this movie was, narrative-ly speaking, straining to get finn and poe to kiss and yet lucasfilm wouldn't take the fucking shot, and 2) there are STILL no gay characters in star wars, still, here, in 2017, [and there really ought to be](https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/12/star-wars-last-jedi-poe-finn-lgbt-representation) (link is to an article a mutual of mine wrote for vanity fair)
> 
> ETA: before you comment on me butchering the plot or w/e, read the comments where i've further explained my thoughts on the film. any clearly provocative comments will b deleted lmao
> 
> title from "[all these things that i've done](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZTpLvsYYHw)" by the killers, the ultimate finn song. if you liked this or any of my other fics, maybe consider [buying me a coffee](http://ko-fi.com/mildlydiscouraging)?
> 
> tumblr @[moonfullofstars](http://moonfullofstars.tumblr.com)  
> ko-fi @[mildlydiscouraging](https://ko-fi.com/mildlydiscouraging)


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